Just Can't Wait to be King
by Daliah Valley
Summary: [ONE-SHOT] Loki is going to rule Midgaurd. And nothing is going to stop him. Except maybe a bald man and a very long line. Crack fic.
1. Chapter 1

Loki licked his lips nervously and looked up, taking in the huge chrome building. It had a menacing, daunting aura, which wasn't too shocking, because it had a beat up, boxy metal sign reading, _'Evil, Inc_.' He ran his hands through his slick black hair, and took a deep breath to prepare himself. Pushing open the door to the chrome castle, he entered the Tower of Evil. He was surprised by how many people- er, villains- wanted to rule earth. He quickly recovered and smirked. Yes, they were villains, but none were Asgaurdian- er, Jotun, now were they? Nor were they Gods, with the exception of Hades. He avoided that man; from what he heard from Hel, he had a temper.

Loki paused to take it all in. A long line snaked around the floor leading up to a window where a bored looking mortal was talking to others. There were television screens situated throughout the building, which played villain's attempts to take over earth. When one failed, which they inevitably did, bold, red letters flashed across the screen. 'FAILED.' They read. A slight doubt crossed his mind for a second, but he shoved it away and straightened.

He was about to walk up to a window at a counter when he felt strong arm lock around his shoulder. He groaned when he heard the voice of his brother boom loudly,

"Brother? What are you doing?" Loki resisted the urge to punch the blonde-haired immortal.

"Thor, I am attending very important business. So please, _leave_," he snarled and slipped out of Thor's grasp. He shoved himself away quickly, brandishing his staff as a weapon to protect himself from Thor.

"What is so important that I cannot be a part of it?" Thor demanded. Loki closed his eyes and massaged his temples.

"Thor. If you really wish to know my intent, I am going to attain my license of evil, in order to rule your weak minded simpleton mortals. Are you pleased?" He sighed. Thor let out a booming laugh and punch Loki's arm, knocking Loki out of place.

"Brother, you never fail to make me laugh," he pulled Loki into a half-hug that the younger hated passionately, and was gone.

Regaining his senses, Loki glided across the marble floor, approaching a counter with a bald, bulky man flipping through a magazine, and sipping a soda. Loki stood for a moment, his shadow falling across the bald man in what Loki considered a menacing way. He became irritated when then man didn't look up, and he cleared his throat. Finally, the man glanced up and sighed.

"I am Loki, ruler of Asgaurd, God of Mischief," he said in a booming tone. "I have come to-"

"Yeah yeah yeah. You come to rule the world, wreak havoc, you bring impending doom," the man rolled his eyes. "Did you bring an E-90 form?"

Loki's brow creased. "E-90?" He said, nonplussed.

The man nodded toward a long line of people. "You need an E-90 form. Fill it out, bring it back, and you can go ahead." He returned to his magazine, dismissing Loki.

He would not have this. "Why do I need such a form to bring leadership to all mortal humans?" He slammed his hand down on the counter. This puny man will learn respect.

"Hey, buddy," the man sat up, away from his tabloid and rubbed his shining head. "I deal with people worse than you. Ever meet the Joker?" Loki shook his head. "Yeah, not a pleasant character. Get over yourself and fill out a form."

Loki opened his mouth, then clamped it shut. He glowered at the man and whirled around. He took a step forward and promptly crashed into a short man with fiery red hair. The man looked up and narrowed his eyes at Loki. He shoved past the Asgaurdian and stalked over to the counter Loki was previously at. Loki raised his eyes in amusement. The man was wearing a skintight uniform, which certainly did **NOT** flatter his figure. It was white, with a black 'S' wrapping around it, and a black cape, fluttering behind him like a misplaced dog, trailing his owner. All in all, he looked ridiculously childish. He had strange white cuffs on his ankles and wrists, which he was presently slamming on in frustration. The bald man said something and S-boy shouted loudly, "My name! Is not! _**BUDDY!"**_He kicked the wall and then was grabbed by large bodyguards, dragged to the doors and shoved onto the street.

Loki's lips stretched into his common arrogant smirk and he strode across the room to a platform where a long line was assembled. He'd rather _not_wait in line, he decided, and slammed his staff onto the ground, silencing the buzz that had flowed in the air previously. All the bad guys turned to look at him and he smiled approvingly. He nodded and began to walk past them when he was grabbed roughly by his collar and yanked back. Coughing, he turned to his assailant and was surprised to see it to be a woman. Well, a female. She was more of an octopus type thing, with ridiculous white hair standing on end like a lightning struck animal, and long, snakelike tentacles, one of which was gripping his suit.

"Get in line. You have to wait, like the rest of us," she said in a gravelly voice. He shoved her appendage away and glared.

"I'm a God! I will not be bullied by-" He began, only to he cut off by the fish-woman again.

"You think we haven't tried that? Just listen to them, or you'll never get your license to perform," she advised and turned away. He noticed a man dressed all in black, even his mask, staring. The man had what seems to be a primitive sort of remote control strapped to his chest, and his voice sounded like he was breathing through a walkie-talkie.

"I advise you take her advice," he rasped, and turned away.

Gruffly, Loki slunk back to the end of the line, standing with his arms crossed and hunched in a brooding position. It took a long time to reach the front of the line, and when he did, he realized that he had no pen. While he hardly needed one- after all, he was the god of mischief- he may want to make a spectacle later with it. Of course, he could conjure one, but he was rather tired and drained of magic. And it took more to create something than to shift the appearance of an object.

He glanced at the girl at the counter and groaned inwardly. Teenage midgaurdians perplexed and irked him; they were so useless, and so...aggravating. They were worthless little vermin; he understood why some creatures ate their young.

"Give me a pen," he demanded, and the girl raised her eyebrow.

"Excuse me?" She glowered at him and put a hand on her hip. Loki narrowed his eyes and slumped forward.

"May you happen to have a pen I can use?" he muttered. She leaned forward and flipped her blonde hair out of her face.

"Sorry, I couldn't quite hear that," she said in a falsely sweet voice. Loki glared and she laughed, a squeaky, falsetto giggle that made him cringe.

"I'm just teasing ya!" The annoying girl slapped his arm playfully, and he flinched and jerked away from the contact. She rolled her eyes and she handed him a pen. Without thanking her, he turned to go, but she stopped him.

"I've not seen you 'round here before," she observed. "You new?" Loki lifted his eyebrow and nodded. The girl grinned and then laughed a mocking laugh. Her smile abruptly dropped and she said in a low voice, "Good luck." The green clothed god stepped away warily and quickly put space between himself and the unsettling girl.

When he was a safe distance away, Loki snorted. Luck? Who needs luck, when you have  
magic? With A sneer plastered onto his face, he walked confidently away from the annoying excuse of a human.

He decided that he needed to be amused. He dropped the pen and it silently rolled across the floor to the blonde girl across the room. He smirked in satisfaction when the pen shifted into a spider. It was a ghastly sight, large, hairy, with beady little eyes and visible fangs. It was harmless, but she didn't know that.

It crawled up the wall, making it's way toward the girl, who was presently flirting with a different 'villain'. The spider climbed onto her arm, and she lightly brushed away at the spider without looking at it. His smirk grew into a grin as she glanced at her shoulder, her eyes widening. She flailed her arms and a screech filled the air. Turning away, Loki snapped his fingers and the spider turned to plastic, freezing and falling from her arm. He felt her glare burning in his back, but he didn't care.

Loki sat down at a bench and looked down at the form. He filled out his name, nationality, and purpose. Revenge, or world domination? _'Domination_.' he filled in swiftly. The next question asked him of his parents were good or evil. That was a matter of viewpoint. He wrote _'depends_', and moved on.

By the time he finished filling it out, the building was getting empty and the sun was setting. It spilled through the dirty glass windows and highlighted the dust dancing in the air around him. Loki rubbed his eyes wearily. Some of the more ridiculous questions took longer to answer. He wanted to what world domination have to do with his outfit; or what they rudely referred to as 'costume'? He was almost positive that one could rule simpletons with casual attire- simple metal armor, cloak, and helmet would do. No need for belts and staffs; they just added dramatic appeal. And why were humans intent on using such small symbols to write? Even with magic, it took forever to translate. He stood, he knees cracking from sitting so long, and he walked back over to the first counter.

He handed the paper to the man, who was presently eating chips. The man tossed them into a trash can, wiped his fingers on his pants and smacked his lips. He took the paper with greasy fingers and glanced over it. In one swift motion, he crumpled it up and threw it into the trash can, sending it to join the uneaten snacks.

"Hey!" Loki protested. He had just spent millennium finishing that blasted thing!

"You filled it out wrong," the man explained carelessly. Loki pushed his lips together.

"How does one fill out a form of evil incorrectly?" he demanded.

"Well, for one, the answer to _'what are your motives?_' Is not '_to destroy puny humans, such as the ones who came up with this wretched paper_'," the incorrigible man pointed out with a yawn. He glanced at his watch. "You will have to come back tomorrow. We close at six." He stood up and stretched. Loki looked at the clock on the wall.

"It's only five-thirty," he deadpanned. The man threw his hands up.

"I don't make the rules, mister. I just enforce 'em," he grunted, and then hobbled away from the counter, changing the 'open' sign on the window to 'closed'.

Loki let out a frustrated growl. First **Thor, **then the form, now this?! He was not going to deal with this treatment much longer! But a thought occurred to him, and his deep frown unraveled into a vicious smile. If you want things done right, he thought, you have to hire an alien race.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I forgot to post this so…

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any Disney characters, Pixar, or Thor characters. Sadly. But I do own the bald man and Evil Inc. :D Yayy!

So I hope you like this little story I came up with. :)


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